Online Reality
by cocoa marshmellows
Summary: A newbie decides to form a party in The World R:1, but faces everything that could possibly go wrong in a MMO. Teamed up with an overly dramatic role-playing Wavemaster, will they even make it to a dungeon? Contains OCs, Sora cameo. Spoofs MMO's.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the .hack franchise. This is entirely fan made much like everything else on this site. This fic features a lot of OC's and parodies the reality of most MMORPGs. So the typos and emoticons said by other players are on purpose. Small cameo by Sora at the end.**

"Awesome! Time to open this puppy up!"

A female figure gleefully ripped open her package of "The World" in the light of a lone window in her room. The blue box was soon in pieces, and she trotted over to her computer desk with the prized CD case. The instruction book was tossed carelessly aside.

After half of an hour of mindlessly clicking through installation, the game's login screen finally appeared on her monitor.

Create Character?

Click.

_Hmm, this person with an axe looks pretty nice_, the girl thought to herself as she made her character. She decided on a female red-haired Heavy Axeman, a character with tiny wings who would uneasily drag her axe around everywhere.

Plopping on her VR goggles, she soon found herself immersed in the crowded beginner city of Mac Anu. She couldn't help but marvel at the orange-lit sky and the various canals running throughout. She felt overwhelmed but at the same time excited, and decided to speak with the first person she saw.

"Hey!" chimed the newbie at a passing blue-haired character dressed in puffy robes.

The Wavemaster halted and blinked curiously at her. "Hmm? Are you talking to me :D?"

The Heavy Axeman nodded. "Yeah, I'm new to this game. Could you uh.. Show me the ropes?"

The mage squealed with delight. "I'd be so flattered :D! But first off, it's impolite to ask stuff before introducing yourself! So who might you be?"

The new player blinked confusedly. "Well, I think if you just click on me then you can--"

"Ah-hem?" huffed the frustrated player beside her.

"Uh… I'm Ruby… Nice to meet you?" she replied awkwardly.

The Wavemaster merely smiled and hugged her. "And my name's Serena Bethany the fourth, the Dragon Wavemaster of Fili! But you can call me Serena for short!" she giggled. Ruby started to wonder where the rest of her title was from the name in her character information.

You've received Serena's member address!

"So you are new to our fine city of Mac Anu, yes? But do not worry! I, Serena Bethany, will help you along on your journey! First, we must build up your strength by battling ye ferocious monsters in the dungeons!" she continued, replying with dramatic hand motions. "But alas, we need a third member for our adventurous party to work! Do you have anyone in mind?"

Ruby couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed again. _Does everyone on here act this way? _The thought frightened her. "Uh, no… but I'll try finding someone else." She turned from her new traveling companion and began to shout, "Hey! Would anyone like to join our party?"

A man in black armor appeared beside her. "ok invite me," he replied.

You've received Cl0wd's member address!

Ruby fumbled with the controls. "Uh… how do you invite people?"

The guy sighed. "u n00b. go to menu." She did as she was told and an option for 'Invite' appeared.

"Oh, thanks," Ruby replied uneasily.

Serena's various pouts made it quite clear she didn't appreciate his company. "That's no way to introduce yourself :O!" she yelled.

"whateva," Cl0wd replied. "so where we goin?"

"We're going to a dungeon!" Ruby said with her finger pointing onward. The thought of getting to kill monsters was bringing back her enthusiasm.

Cl0wd stared at her incredulously. "fukin n00b," he sighed again. "u cant hjust decide that. U need 3 werds 2 get ther."

Serena laughed haughtily. "Be still thy tongue! I, Serena, her guide have that all figured out! I know not what these 'werds' you speak of, but I know a short path via a magical seal that will get us to our desired destination! Luckily, I know the correct incantation as well to lead us there! It's a good thing you have a great Wavemaster such as myself coming along!"

Ruby, completely ignorant of most of the game's mechanics, clapped her hands. "Wow! Awesome!" she cheered.

Cl0wd growled angrily. "FUKIN N00BS n QUEERA$$ RPGERZ!!!1!1!!!!" he yelled, throwing his spear to the ground. His name disappeared from their party status and his character teleported out.

"How rude!" huffed Serena. She shrugged. "But I guess you just never know with those goblins disguised as normal players!"

Ruby cocked her head confusedly. "Goblins?"

"Oh yeah, they get you every time with their disguise! But it's their rudeness and made-up words which reveal who they REALLY are!" Serena responded.

Something wasn't sitting right with Ruby about her knowledgeable Wavemaster friend, but she couldn't be sure what. "Oh well, we'll get someone else," shrugged Ruby. She turned to a nearby male Blademaster who was running past them. "Hey, Shirugi! Want to be in my party?"

"Sure," he replied. They exchanged member addresses and he instantly accepted her invitation. "But wait a few mins, ok? I gotta buy some armor and stuff."

"OK, no prob!" Ruby said cheerily. _At least he knows how to type!_

20 minutes later…

"I'm back!" announced Shirugi. Serena and Ruby were sitting around by the magic portal, bored.

Serena picked at her magical staff in annoyance. "Well, finally! D:" she puffed.

Ruby winced. "Actually, I have to go to the bathroom… Sorry guys, be right back," she typed. Her character began to slouch as she went away from the terminal.

Five minutes later…

"It's about time!" remarked Shirugi, angrily tapping his foot as Ruby's character started to move again.

"I said sorry!" Ruby replied, blushing in embarrassment.

Tears began to form in Serena's eyes. "Well, now _I _got to go! ;; Wait here while I use ye olde outhouse, I promise to only take three minutes!"

Ruby nodded. "Sure, no prob!"

"I'm not waiting around that long," said Shirugi in annoyance. And his character teleported out before their eyes.

"That terrible goblin! He took for-freakin'-ever yet I can't go in the bushes for one single minute! D:" cried Serena, her face red with anger.

Ruby sighed, extremely weary that they were getting nowhere fast. "I guess we can't go to that dungeon after all," she said disappointedly.

A female Twin Blade appeared behind her. "Don't worry, honey. I can take you there," she purred seductively into Ruby's ear.

Ruby jumped up in fright. "Y.. you can?" she asked nervously.

"Sure thing, babe. Someone with that fine a ass? How could I say no. ;)" the Twin Blade named 'Lilhottie23' winked.

_How is my ass different from anyone else with my character model? _she thought in bewilderment. Ruby found the new arrival to be a little disturbing. "W-w-what? Uh, sorry… I don't.. swing that way." She started to back away from Lilhottie23. Ruby glanced to the side at Serena, only to notice her character slumped over in "AFK" mode.

Lilhottie23 blinked. "Huh? Oh! Well, who said I was a girl?" S/he laughed. "But if you don't want to fight, how about some cybering? Or maybe you'd like to give me your phone number?"

Ruby didn't know what 'cybering' was, but the prospect of giving out her phone number to this player unnerved her considerably. "No thanks!!" she replied, yelling more than she intended to.

"Oh come on. Why not?" prompted her new admirer.

"Well, for one.. You could be a creep. Two, I'm not playing this game to get dates. And three, you might be an axe murderer."

Lilhottie23 laughed. "Says the character with an axe! But look, I'm not that bad a guy. I'll send you my photo and you'll see. So how about your member address?"

To Ruby's supreme relief, Serena had managed to log back in before she could reply. "Come, Ruby! We must journey into the valley of darkness to make waste some beings of destruction! TALLY HO!" she squeaked, pulling Ruby quickly into the magical portal. Lilhottie23 watched them run off and gave a little shrug before finding another player to flirt with.

"Beautiful Smiling Wavemaster!" yelled Serena dramatically, waving her staff wildly about as if her words were a magical spell.

"Wait!" interrupted Ruby. "Don't we really need a third person?"

"Huh? Well, no. Not really."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE!?" screamed the highly frustrated Ruby, thrashing her axe around in the air.

Serena ignored her. "Onward to thee battlefield :D:D:D!" As soon as she said that, yellow rings appeared around them and they were teleported out of town.

Loading…

Ruby glanced around as the music changed. They were on some sort of desert with a bright blue sky above them. "So this is a battlefield, right?" she said, a little nervous.

"Aye, it is the place where we will do battle with the fiendish monsters of this world!" replied her dramatic friend, pointing upwards at the sky as she talked. "Oh my! Do you hear that?" she suddenly cupped her ear.

"Hear what?"

"The cry of someone in distress! I think it was coming from that tower. They must be getting attacked by monsters, c'mon :O!" The wavemaster pointed at a lone tower in the distance.

Ruby followed after her. After a few moments, they came across a male Blademaster just in time to see him fall to the floor. A robotic-like monster loomed over him. "Crap, I died," he muttered in ghost form. He slowly looked over at the two new arrivals. "Well don't just stand there, revive me!"

"Never fear! For I, Serena Bethany the fourth, will avenge you, dear ghost! FORWARD HOOOOO!!!" She screamed like a loon.

Ruby smiled and raised her axe into the air. "Yeah, finally! Let's kill some monsters!" She followed her Wavemaster friend into the fray.

The Blademaster sighed impatiently. "What are you doing?? REZ ME ALREADY!"

"Ha! Taste this, foul demon!" Serena shook her staff in the air and blasted the monster with some sort of fire spell. It didn't seem to have an effect.

Undaunted, Ruby swung her axe. "My turn!" She grinned. She was taken back by surprise when the robot managed to dodge her attack. She swung again and again, but managed to inflict zero damage.

The Blademaster laughed, half amused and half exasperated. "OMFG you goddamn noobs! Run away, and then come back to raise me!!"

Ruby slowly backed up, glancing sideways at her companion. "Uh… Serena? What level is this dungeon?"

Serena perked up her eyebrow. "What be this 'level' you speak of? Honestly, Ruby, sometimes I swear you might be a goblin."

Ruby looked at her incredulously. For the first time ever, she was actually starting to doubt Serena's knowledge about the game. Deciding it was better to do it herself, Ruby clicked around the menu until she got to the 'Area Information' option. The dungeon was level 17.

Afterwards she clicked on 'Status' to find out their own party levels. Serena was level 5.

Ruby was level 1.

"WHY DID YOU TAKE US TO A LEVEL 17 DUNGEON!?" Ruby yelled, throwing her axe around in anger and caps lock rage. "THAT THING IS GONNA KILL US!!"

Serena thrust up her fist and smiled. "Don't worry :D! If we have a heart bursting with righteous ambition and if we believe in ourselves, then there's nothing we can't--" she was silenced as the Metal Emperor monster took her down in one hit. "Oh shoot…" she grumbled in her ghost form.

The Blademaster sighed at the spectacle. "Screw this," he muttered and home-pointed out.

Shaking, Ruby looked at the monster as it slowly hovered toward her.

"Ruuuun, Rubbyy! Save yoouurrseeellf!" yelled the ghost of Serena in her typical overly dramatic fashion.

Ruby closed her eyes as it was about to strike her. "Oh, this game sucks!!!"

CLANG

She could hear a piercing metal sound. Slowly she opened her eyes to the sight of the monster dead at her feet. A green-haired Twin Blade by the name of 'Sora' was posed to the left of it.

Ruby's eyes watered happily. "Oh wow! You saved me! Thank you so m---"

CLANG

"P\/\/N3D!" Sora chirped in garbled chatspeak. Ruby was dead at his feet.

The Wavemaster looked at the scene in shock. "Hey, you evil goblin! That wasn't very nice! D: " she pouted. "Never fear, Ruby! We'll find a way to make him pay for his dastardly deeds!" She looked at the immobile ghost of Ruby who wasn't saying anything. "Uh… Ruby?"

Somewhere in the world, a CD was being thrown out the window.


End file.
